Positive Outlook
How to start your day with a positive outlook

Open a new file in your PC.

Name it as "Boss".

Send it to the RECYCLE BIN.

Empty the RECYCLE BIN.

Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete Boss permanently?"

Answer calmly, "Yes," and press the mouse button firmly....

Feel better? Have A Nice Day.

Don't u wish it was that easy ? haha...

Funny Stuff.

Funny how a $100 bill "looks" so big when u take it to church, but so small when u take it to the mall.

Funny how long it takes to serve God for an hour, but how quickly a team plays 60 minutes of soccer.

Funny how long a couple of hours spend at church seems, but how short they are when watching a movie.

Funny how we get thrilled when a soccer game goes into extra time, but we complain when a sermon(prayer session) is longer than the regular time even for 5 mins.

Funny how hard it is to read a chapter in the bible, but how easy it is to read 100 pages of any Twilight series book.

Funny how people wants to get a front seat at any game or concert, but scramble to get a back seat at church services.

Funny how we need 2 or 3 weeks advance notice to fit in a church even into our schedule, but can adjust our schedule for other events at the last moment.

Funny how hard it is for people to learn a simple gospel well enough to tell others, but how simple it is for the same people to understand and repeat gossip.

Funny how everyone wants to go to heaven, provided they do not hav to believe, or to think, or to say or to do anything.

Funny how you can send a thousand "jokes" though e-mail, and they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing.

Amazing right ? Two contrasting things, two opposite results. ponder about it ^-^

Dreadful Fight
Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called her minister. "Reverend," she wailed, "John and I had a DREADFUL fight!"

"Calm down, my child," said the minister, "it's not half as bad as you think. Every marriage has to have its first fight!"

"I know, I know!" said Joanna. "But what am I going to do with the BODY?"

Gossip Monger
"Hey, Mom," asked Johnny "can you give me twenty dollars?"

"Certainly not."

"If you do," he went on, "I'll tell you what dad said to the maid when you were at the beauty shop."

His mother's ears perked up and, grabbing her purse, she handed over the money. "Well? What did he say?"

"He said, 'Hey, Marie, make sure you wash my socks tomorrow.' "

Dreadful Fight
Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called her minister. "Reverend," she wailed, "John and I had a DREADFUL fight!"

"Calm down, my child," said the minister, "it's not half as bad as you think. Every marriage has to have its first fight!"

"I know, I know!" said Joanna. "But what am I going to do with the BODY?"

Child Sent to Bed
A small boy is sent to bed by his father...

[Five minutes later]

"Da-ad..."

"What?"

"I'm thirsty.

Can you bring me a drink of water?"

"No. You had your chance. Lights out."

[Five minutes later]

"Da-aaaad..."

"WHAT?"

"I'm THIRSTY...

Can I have a drink of water??"

"I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!"

[Five minutes later]

"Daaaa-aaaAAAAD..."

"WHAT??!!"

"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?"

*Cheers !! *















* drinks war !! *















* is this ur wedding cake ? *

The Family of Tomatoes
A family of three tomatoes were walking downtown one day when the little baby tomato started lagging behind.

The big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato, stomps on her, squashing her into a red paste, and says, "Ketchup!"

Lethal Food
A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago.

"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.

Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realises the germs in our drinking water.

But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all eat it. Can anyone here tell me what lethal product I'm referring to?"

"You, sir, in the first row, please give us your idea."

The man lowered his head and said, "Wedding cake."

Jealous Kid
An old county doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out that there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5 year old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see while he helped the woman deliver the baby. The child did so, the mother pushed, and after a little while, the doctor lifted the new born baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath.

"Hit him again," the child said. "He shouldn't have crawled up there in the first place!!"